I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
