Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
