After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
