Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
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No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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