u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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