i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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