So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
