Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
