I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
