just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
