you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
