Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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