Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
