He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
