There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
