i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize