I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
