whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
birth control should be required to get into college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
