Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
