do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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