My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
