Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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