I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
