No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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