fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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