First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
