I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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