I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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