he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
