Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
