just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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