the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
this will be a night to untag.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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