I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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