Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I touched a dick in church today
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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