Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
