She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
