I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
