If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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