I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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