from now on my penis is your penis
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
