i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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