this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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