Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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