woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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