So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
