How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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