help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
