I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
