I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
