He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
