dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
