We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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