Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
