I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
