She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
