I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
