if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
