what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
