yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
