Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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