I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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