I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
