You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
