The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
