Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
