My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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