if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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