Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
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Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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