she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
