what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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