I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
