The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
