Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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