She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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