If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Why can't burritos get me drunk
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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