hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
