She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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