My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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