I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
