What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
