Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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