Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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