ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
