just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
